


The Edge of Silence

by willyherondale



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Eventual Romance, Eventual relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, MALE READER INSERT, Reader Insert, Slow Burn, Smut, loving relationship, male reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2018-10-31 20:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10906869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willyherondale/pseuds/willyherondale
Summary: Bucky thought you were special, that was for sure. But being from the 1940's those feelings for you weren't exactly the easiest to deal with.Reader is male. Slow Burn fic with eventual Bucky/Reader relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully I'll actually commit unlike the last time I tried to do a fic like this. (I swear I'll continue that Steve Rogers one when I have the muse for it, I swear). Regardless, enjoy!

"You're telling me it's a kid?" Tony voiced through the comms to the rest of the team. He was currently flying over to where everyone else was situated. Natasha was currently camped out with Clint over the street from what was seemingly a defenceless suburban house, whilst Steve and Bucky were around in the back garden.

"Well on the record it says that a Y/N L/N lives here with his grandparents. Currently an undergrad on holiday. But yeah, it's a kid." She smirked at the last part, slightly out of satisfaction for how pissed off Tony seemed to be right now.

"Grandparents are currently out of the house shopping. Should be an easy takedown," Clint chipped in, "Bucky are you in position?"

Bucky was not at all happy with the situation he was in currently. Sure, they managed to get rid of the remnants of what HYDRA had done to him thanks to T'Challa but he still wasn't the same. He didn't _feel_ like Bucky, or at least what he thought what Bucky used to be, in his limited memories. For this to be the first mission he'd been sent on since his rehabilitation it was slightly humiliating to be camping out in a hedge for two hours straight, to say the least. He put up with it though, for the cause. "Affirmative, waiting on Steve's mark."

The Captain waited, unmoving. It was like playing a chess game with him, but he had given you the advantage of the first move, the white pawns. In other words, it was your move and without it, the mission may not go ahead. It was five more minutes before he even moved a muscle. It was only when they saw movement in the kitchen that he decided to play his hand.

He started rolling off instructions naturally, "Nat, I need you to open the back door. Clint, you provide a distraction whilst me and Bucky go in. It's time to take whoever this kid is down." Steve instructed and the rest of the team got into place.

"Wait, what am I supposed to do?" Tony whined, now flying above the house rather noticeably.

"Secure the house, Stark, there's not much else you can do without creating a scene," Steve responded to a groaning billionaire who was already close enough to attracting more attention than was needed and clearly not happy with getting none of the action.

Whilst Natasha was making quick work of the door, Steve and Bucky were getting ready to pounce. You had just gone upstairs with your drink from your visit to the kitchen when you heard your Grandpa's car alarm go off, just when your hack was at a crucial point. You stepped back down into the kitchen to get his car keys just as Nat managed to get the door open. It was lucky that Steve and Bucky had been overly cautious of going in immediately or they would have been caught.

You picked up the keys and wandered out the front whilst sipping from your drink. It was all going so well and now you'd have to put your hack on hold. You clicked the button on the keys to stop the car from blaring alarms out but it didn't seem to be working.

Meanwhile, Steve and Bucky were making fairly quick work of getting to your room and receiving the files needed for the mission. The only real problem was how difficult it seemed to get the files onto the memory stick they'd brought. Steve decided to check in, "We've nearly got what we needed. Clint, how's the distraction going?"

"He seems to be pretty distracte- wait. Ah, shit!" Clint paused briefly, "Yeah....you guys are fucked, he's going back upstairs."

"What?" Steve questioned in disbelief, "but the car is still going!" The alarm could be heard quite clearly from inside the house and it seemed it wasn't going off anytime soon.

"I don't give a shit just hide, he can't know we're here," Natasha butted in, reminding them of the mission and the reason they were there in the first place.

You, however, were blissfully unaware of any disturbance inside of your house as you returned to your room to retrieve your tool-kit. "Something has gotta be able to shut that little shit up," you muttered to yourself quietly as you rummaged around. In spite of this though, what you didn't notice were the two super soldiers currently hiding in your closet and behind the door. It was only when you decided to get a jacket for yourself from the back of the door that you realised something was wrong, very wrong. So wrong in fact that you felt a metal arm slide its way around your throat silently and efficiently.

"One word out of you and you're gone," the man behind you threatened. Steve then revealed himself from behind the door, shield and all. You were overtaken with a cold sweat as you assessed the situation you were now in. You had messed up pretty bad if the Avengers were in your house, you concluded.

"It's gone south, he's seen us. What should we do?" Steve questioned into the comms.

"The little- leave him to me Cap I'm on my way," Tony replied, finally ready to get revenge on the person who's been messing up his systems for months now. FRIDAY was almost just as irritated as Tony about the whole ordeal.

It was only when Cap was distracted enough waiting for a response that you decided to make your move. Unluckily for the Winter Soldier, you had your hacking glove on. You held it up to his arm as if initiating a struggle, and quietly disabled the metal limb for you to slip out of his grasp. You then ran for your life.

"Hey, what the fuck did you do to my arm you bastard?" Bucky shouted after you as he tried to follow but the dead weight of his arm threw him off balance and he had to give up the pursuit to Cap. Steve followed down the stairs quickly with his shield thrown after you which you only just missed. He managed to get a hold of your wrist just at the bottom of the staircase but was stopped in his tracks down the stairs by a sonic blast coming from your hand as you spun around to face him. He lost his grip instantly and you swiftly unlocked the front door to your escape to only be met my Iron Man himself.

"Huh, so you really are only a kid," he quipped as you then proceeded to disable his suit as you did to Bucky's arm previously. You then ran again, this was starting to become a theme, you thought. You could call your grandparents later, say you were staying at a friend's house, doing some homework. Yeah, that sounded good. Your thinking, however, got you distracted as a tripwire from one of Clint's arrows caught you whilst you were running and made you faceplant directly into the tarmac. It was only when you saw that it was Black Widow handcuffing you that you realised how fucked you really were.

The walk of shame to be then interrogated in your own computer chair whilst handcuffed by the Avengers was easily one of the most humiliating things to have happened to you in your life. Period. But with Tony Stark fiddling with all of your tech and messing it all up was purely just the icing on the cake.

"You shouldn't touch that," you protest as he clicks around through your computer files, probably spoiling everything. Your expression was sour.

"I could say the same thing to you for breaking into my files, what- ten times? In the past month." He quipped back, a hint of bitterness edging into his voice.

"Look, that was for fun, to see if I could! I didn't really look at anything," you paused, "well, not much at least. Anyway, what are you doing over there?"

"Can someone shut this kid up?" Stark added as he brushed off your comments easily. Steve then proceeded to gag you so you couldn't come up with any more snarky replies.

You looked around the room as Steve was doing this, refusing to meet the Captain's gaze out of embarrassment. You did, however, examine all the other members of the Avengers in the meantime. Natasha looked quite bored as she was relaying the mission's information to what seemed her Boss on the other end of the line. She turned her back and lowered her voice as soon as she saw you looking. You then flicked your eyes to the archer who was currently checking his inventory, seemingly uninterested in his surroundings. Tony also had his back turned to you as he was checking through your computer, probably messing everything up with his grubby Stark hands. And finally, you looked to the other super soldier whose icy glare seemed to have been fixated on you since you were placed in the chair. As soon as you met his eyes, however, you looked away again instantly through fear of intimidation as a hot flush grew upwards from your neck.

"Right, well that should fix it," Tony said dusting his hands and standing up to full height again. "Hey Widow, what did Fury say?"

"He wants him brought in, further interrogation," she stated simply, all the while looking at you directly.

You gulped, wide-eyed now as you glanced from one Avenger to the next looking for some glimpse of sympathy. The fear really only sank into every part of your body though when you were placed in the quinjet to be taken off. How in the world were you going to explain this to your Grandparents? This could simply not be brushed off as a college assignment as all the other times.

The journey to the Avengers base was definitely uncomfortable and not fun in the least. You had been bound, gagged, and blindfolded. Of course, it would sound kinky in any other setting but this most certainly was not the time, plus you wouldn’t know what that felt like in the least due to your virginity and all. Despite the lack of senses on your part, you could still feel his gaze on you. The Winter Soldier's. He hadn't taken that glare off of you for a single moment since you were locked to your own computer chair and you assumed it wasn't going away anytime soon. The whole ride over the team talked in hushed voices so as to not let you know anything you weren't supposed to. The most you heard regarding anything was Black Widow trying to set up a date for Captain America which made you snort a little. You got a shove for that from what you assumed was Black Widow. It wasn't long after that you landed in what you presumed was the Avenger's base.

The interrogation there was long and hard, and tiresome. The agents doing the questioning didn't really look like they wanted to be there and neither did you. Unfortunately, none of you really had a choice in the matter. You answered their questions politely and without hesitation.

"Name?"

"Y/N L/N."

"Age?"

"22."

"Occupation?"

"Student."

"Hobbies?"

"Uh...Uhm..," you coughed slightly, "hacking."

The agent looked up at you sceptically for a moment and then back to his paperwork. In your mind, if you answered the questions truthfully, you wouldn't piss off anyone important who could put you in jail for what you had done any more than you already had. So you complied.

All in all the questioning took about three hours. Some of the questions didn't seem even relevant. You were exhausted by the end of it and you honest-to-god (or whatever deity has control over your fate right now) hoped it was enough to let you go. You weren't so lucky.

An Eye-patched, bald, dark-skinned, intimidating man walked in shortly after you were left to collect your thoughts after the interrogation.

"L/N, is it?"

"Uh, Y/N please."

"Y/N...well I've got a proposition for you." He hesitated which was odd for a man with such an overpowering presence.

"Y-yes?" You squeaked, almost shitting yourself right there and then, thinking only the worst.

"We're short on staff here and if we give you the proper training I'd like to offer you a position at the base here." He stared you down, waiting patiently for your response.

"I'm sorry what?" you asked dumbly.

A job! Of all things. Tony would not be pleased. Apparently, despite your unconventional and downright dangerous ways of getting their attention, the newly reformed SHEILD had taken note and were pleased to find you co-operating.

"A job, I'm offering you a job," he laid it out simply, "Yes or No?"

"Y-yes please!" You stuttered out quickly, "but what about my-"

"Grandparents? College? Already sorted out. You start tomorrow." He threw some files on the table in front of you and left swiftly, allowing you to be taken on the tour of the base by FRIDAY.

And so this is how you became a sort of Avenger? A shitty, poor, undergrad student who probably could work out more and eat better, was now an Avenger in training, or at the very least working for them. Now you really didn't know how the hell this happened. That hacking was just for a bit of fun!


	2. He's Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky stares, a lot. But he doesn't ever seem to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aiming for this fic to end up being about 20 chapters overall but that could change depending on how it all maps out. Regardless, this (as you can probably tell by the first two chapters being 5000 words together) is going to be extremely slow burn. Also, I have a sort of word count aim of 2,500 for each chapter but that may also change too...  
> Anyway, enjoy!

It had been difficult to even try and settle in with the Avengers. You were just a (relatively ordinary) student who was trying to get a degree. You didn't think that your little hobby would get you in this much trouble, and this much success.   
  
Regardless, it was still pretty cool that you got to train, work, and live with them all, loathe as you were to admit such a thing. You initially tried to keep your cool around them all, but seeing Vision in the flesh just blew that right out of the water. He could go through walls of all things! Anyone in their right mind would be at least a little freaked out about someone just floating through their wall to tell them that dinner was ready.   
  
Both Wanda and Vision were the kindest to you out of all of them though. They understood what it felt like to be misplaced in a world that didn't quite acknowledge you for you. The other Avengers knew you weren't entirely comfortable around this compound either, but they didn't really seem to do anything about it. Not really. You didn't blame them though, they were just sent to apprehend you and now they were expected to work with you? It was unbelievable to quite an extent. They were polite even in passing though, so you were grateful for that.   
  
You trained with Natasha for the majority of the time, Clint chipped in now and again when he was needed. It was tough work, you had been relatively out of shape when you had been picked up by the Avengers and you weren't necessarily eating the healthiest foods either, student's budget and all that. However, you were determined to show everyone that Fury put you on the team for a reason.   
  
Currently, you were training with the previously mentioned assassin when you heard those dreaded three words, "Dead, start over."   
  
Two minutes later, "Dead, start over."   
  
And again five minutes later, "Dead, start over." It was really starting to get on your nerves and the exhaustion that was creeping slowly into your muscles and behind your eyes wasn't helping much. You weren't trained from birth to fight to the death. In fact, you were actually just a small town boy trying to have a little fun once in a while. Natasha was being especially harsh today.   
  
"Can we-" You paused to pant and wipe your face with your sleeve, "Can we just take a break for like five seconds?" Gasping now, sweat was trickling down your forehead and back. Your fists were still raised, but the intent behind your words was definitely true; you needed a break.   
  
Natasha assessed the state you were in right now. Being beet red in the face and just about ready to drop was a clear indicator that you were finished for the day. "Fine, but just remember that no HYDRA agent would pause and give you a break. You'd be dead."   
  
"I kind of got that from the constant declarations of my death," You muttered but you nodded anyway and went to go and sit down, reaching for your drink.

It was at that moment that FRIDAY'S voice chimed over the speakers of the training room, "Miss Romanoff, I'm afraid Mr Stark needs you to upgrade your equipment in his lab right away."   
  
"Thanks, FRIDAY, tell him I'll be right up," she looked over to you, "Don't slack off pipsqueak I'm watching you." And with that comment, she made a swift exit. Damn, that woman knew how to make a threat.   
  
You decided to lie down on the bench at the side, catch your breath and cool down is all, then you'd go and take a shower. Thinking about the previous two weeks spent at the compound, you reflected on all that had happened. Two missions had already taken place, that meant at least half of the team were gone for the majority of your training and therefore leaving the facility relatively empty. It was easy enough to find your way around, but there were a couple of times that you'd slipped up. Once you'd accidentally gone into the girl's changing rooms. Never again. Let's just say you paid the extremely harsh consequences.   
  
You had also raided the kitchen a fair amount of times too, and despite your strict diet regimen put in place to help you bulk up, nothing could keep you from junk food. These bouts of cravings only seemed to happen late into the night and your sleep schedule definitely suffered because of it. To say the amount of sleep you got was good would be a blatant lie too; the Avengers really needed to learn to keep you in check if they were ever going to get you in the field.   
  
It was odd though, by having the majority of the team elsewhere it left you sort of lonely. Of course, you didn't expect anyone to be chummy with you from the get-go, but to have someone to spend time with you would have been nice. For most of the time, it was you trying (and failing) to stick to your training regimen and also desperately trying to avoid the one other permanent occupant of the Avengers base; James Buchanan Barnes. He was intimidating, to put it mildly, and no-one else really talked to him apart from Steve. It wasn't as if you could just go up to him and strike up a conversation to break the heavy, lingering silence between you.

It seemed wherever you went his eyes seemed to follow. Unnerving, to say the least, but most of the time you couldn't even tell if he was in the same room as you or not. He was so quiet. You, of course, knew everything about the man, or at the very least the old Bucky and what he did as the Winter Soldier. Hacking into the files was relatively easy, and ever since SHIELD's fall those years ago it was like a gold mine of information. You had learnt everything about the Avengers. From Tony's WOMD past to Cap's origin and all the way to Clint and his family. If any of them knew the wealth of information you had on them though it would not end well. You weren't sure even Fury knew about all the information you had on them.

But Bucky was always the most intriguing to you. Seeing the Howling Commandos exhibition was a real treat to you on your last visit to Washington D.C. and although you could have just gotten the same information online it wasn't the same. His tragic past was fascinating to you and your morbid curiosity. At the same time as knowing nearly everything about him from his birthplace to his supposed death date, you still seemed to know nothing about him, not the real him. Not the Bucky at present. He was too different to even comprehend. You saw him joking and laughing with Steve so naturally, along with speaking to the others when spoken to. But with you, it was nothing. Of course, you hadn't actually even attempted to talk, but there wasn't even a passing 'Hello' exchanged. You had to remind yourself of what he had been through and that trust was earned, not immediately won. Considering all that he had gone through too made so much sense as to why he even showed the cold shoulder to the rest of the Avengers.

You only really saw the Sergeant open up when King T'Challa visited. He was polite to His Majesty, joked with him and even spent a considerable time out in the open just to accompany T'Challa through his visit. He was different. You initially assumed it was gratitude but eventually saw it was more than that. Perhaps respect, even? You wished that even one of the Avengers looked or even talked to you that way, but the closest you got were simple remarks from Wanda during small talk over dinner.   
  
It was only when you heard the soft padding of feet on the floor that you snapped yourself out of your thoughts. "Are you still using the training room?" You heard the blonde haired Captain ask you politely. Of course, it would be him wanting to train this late in the day, no-one else would even think about it (except Natasha, that woman was out to get you, you swore.)   
  
"Uh- no, no. I was just leaving actually," you rush out of the room quickly, embarrassed that Steve had even found you slacking off. Daydreaming was always a fault of yours, especially in class.   
  
When you returned to the changing room you swiftly stripped down and got into the hot shower to ease your muscles. The near-scalding water was refreshing and comforting at the same time. The water pressure was just right and you swear you'd felt nothing quite like it. It had to have been a good quarter of an hour before you finally peeled yourself away from the boiling current.   
  
You stepped out and began to towel yourself down. The softness of the towel only added to your comfort, its fluffiness was enveloping you into a dream-like state that you could just fall asleep in. You then picked out your outfit from your locker and threw your previous garments down the laundry chute. It was only when you had reached for your shirt that you realised that someone had been watching you through the entire process.   
  
The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end, a shiver slithered down your spine uncomfortably. You feared the worst. That perhaps a HYDRA agent had found his way into the facility, that maybe you were finally going to meet your karma of hacking all of those government facilities multiple times. It served you right, but for the enemy to see you completely naked was another matter altogether. You bit your lip unbearably hard.   
  
Spinning around on the spot, now clutching your shirt in your hands until your knuckles were white, you looked like a deer in the headlights as you came face to face with that icy glare that you had become all too familiar with over the past two weeks.   
  
"Sergeant Barnes!" You exclaimed in both relief and shock, "Hello!" Your ears strained to listen to yourself as your voice had become unbearably high. If there hadn't been the central benches blocking his way to you between the lockers, you weren't sure if you would have bolted or not, his gaze was so overpowering and downright menacing.   
  
He grunted in response slowly dragging his eyes away from you as he went to go and change himself in preparation for training. You pivoted back to face your locker with an ashamed blush on your face. As you went to go and put your t-shirt on, you tried desperately to do it as quickly as possible so as for Barnes not to see your slight chubby-ness and for you to not compare yourself to his physique either. Neither really went successfully.   
  
Over the previous fortnight, Bucky's eyes barely seemed to leave you whenever you were in a room together. Today was not an exception. His preoccupation with changing didn't last as long as it took you to put just one shirt on. You weren't sure why he kept staring but it was starting to make you even more uncomfortable than you were to start with. Despite him always staring, you never seemed capable of meeting his eyes fully. You could never decipher what was going on behind them, in his mind, but you decided it was best unknown, knowing the things you thought about yourself.   
  
"I'm sorry if I make you feel uneasy around me, Steve said I shouldn't stare," you heard a muttering behind you. This caught you by surprise. He hadn't spoken a word to you since you'd busted his arm, even when considering the fact that you both were the only ones not commissioned to go out yet and so it was only you two consistently in the compound together. You thought he hated you. No other reason seemed to stand in your mind, even Tony got over the disabling of his suit pretty fast so it definitely wasn't you incapacitating his arm that did it. All of the other Avengers at least introduced themselves to you, and even if it was just to be polite it was more words than he had ever uttered to you.   
  
"Oh." Was your only response.   
  
"I don't mean to do it, it just happens. Sorry," he said.   
  
He was apologising. You nodded, turned to him and said, "it's alright," before leaving the changing room speedily. The blush that spread on your cheeks was almost as red as you were after training with Natasha. Butterflies accompanied the uncomfortable warmth of your face with a squeezing feeling in your chest. It reminded you of the times daydreaming about that random attractive guy you would briefly fall in love with on public transport and the life you would have together in another world, another time.

You had decided to meander your way to the compound after such an encounter. For some unknown reason to you, your face had decided to stay a colour closer to magenta than anything else. It was only when you bumped into Vision (well I mean that's not physically possible but the sentiment is the same) that you fully became aware of your flustered state.

"Ah, Mr (L/N)! I searched for you in your room but you didn't appear to be there. I was coming to tell you that Wanda and I were just about to start dinner. Would you care to join us?" He seemed to be trying to smile politely but his expression only then turned to a frown when he saw the state you were in, "Are you quite alright? You appear to be rather flustered, even your shirt is inside out."

The last comment was made in passing but it only added to your unsettled complexion. "Is it?" Your eyes widened completely mortified. "Oh God why?" Your hands then proceeded to cradle your face as you thought about how you had managed to mess up the most simple first conversation that you'd had with the Sergeant by making a complete fool of yourself! Why hadn't he told you? Maybe he thought it was funny, or had he done it to spite you? You were sure he hated you even to begin with and now this! It was only more concrete evidence.

"Mr (L/N)?" Vision's voice brought you back down to reality, "My offer still stands for dinner. It will be ready shortly."

"Uh- yes of course. Just let me...sort out my shirt first," you smiled politely and then scarpered back to your room to change.

You didn't think it was a long period of time before you made your way back down to the kitchen and dining area but it was certainly a lengthy period of time because when you entered there was the dining table with four people sat at it. Wanda, Vision, Steve, and of course, Bucky. They must have finished their training relatively quickly or you had been meandering for much longer than you initially perceived. Either way, you didn't know if you could face sitting with all of them. Of course, it shouldn't have been a big deal, it was only one inside out shirt after all. But to you it was and that was enough to make you want to leave immediately after entering.

However just as you were trying to sneak your way back to the elevator, Vision managed to have the perfect timing of questioning your presence. "Y/N! Come and sit down there's plenty of curry to go around!"

"Of course, coming right over," you called out, trying to mask the fact that you were really just about to leave.

Regrettably, for you, the seating arrangements caused you to be seated right in front of Bucky, and right under that icy glare of his once more. You shifted uncomfortably in your chair but tried to ignore it as you helped yourself to the food in front of you.

Small talk ensued and the meal was relatively pleasant despite the constant attention that seemed to be on you. You talked about your life as a student and how big of a change this all was for you. You talked of your grandparents and your family life. All in all, it was nice to open up for once but there was always the niggling feeling that you weren't wanted at the table. It was definitely the staring that did it. Due to this tension, you decided it would be best for you to leave as soon as possible so when the meal ended you had shot up right out of your chair and bolted for the elevator.

"Thank you for the meal!" You exclaimed before the doors shut behind you. Sleep would not be happening tonight.   
  
Bucky Barnes made you extremely nervous that was for sure, no doubt about that. But that nervousness had just changed course for the definition it was running with. You weren't sure when it happened but his steely glare and unspoken emotions made your heart burst. How in the hell had you managed to get a crush on a man you hadn't even held a proper conversation with fully? You would never know.


	3. Stuck in the Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Bucky get stuck in a lift, you can imagine how this ends up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I wanted some comedy to lighten the situation and actually get both of our characters talking for once. I guess you could call this comedy?  
> Anyway..... I'd really appreciate it if you guys commented, even if you hate it, just so I know what people think of this!  
> I've always personally felt it to be a bit lack-luster in the male reader insert department across the internet. But tell me what you think!  
> (also I totally ripped this idea off from another reader insert that is, in my opinion, one of the best fanfictions, let alone reader inserts, out there- kudos to those who can even attempt to guess which one it is, btw it's a sherlock insert)

The next time you saw Bucky Barnes, let alone talked to him (although you did often feel his eyes on your back even if you couldn't see him), was when you incidentally were stuck in the same lift as him.  
  
It wasn't your fault, it wasn't his fault either really. He had just happened to get into the lift at the same time as you. That was all. Oh, and for some unknown reason, FRIDAY had decided to stop responding as soon as the lift got stuck.  
  
To be in such a confined space with the Winter Soldier did unnerve you slightly, if not for the reason of your heart seemingly going at 100 mph, but also because you weren't entirely sure that T'Challa's reprogramming had gone through, especially where tight, confined spaces were concerned. Close proximity to the man wasn't really doing anything good for your health. You weren't entirely sure if it was a heart attack coming on or just something else entirely.  
  
"You know you can just tell me if you hate me," you broke the silence apprehensively, not sure it was the best decision if you took into account the words chosen.  
  
Bucky's eyes widened at the prospect, was that the image he was giving across to you? "I don't."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"I don't hate you."  
  
"Oh."  
  
A heavy silence descended once again between the two of you. Bucky folded his arms defensively as if a little embarrassed. You looked away and started to try and fiddle with the controls, hoping that some sort of combination of pushing them would get things moving again. It didn't seem to be working.  
  
It was Bucky this time who decided to break the ice,"Hey, shouldn't you be able to get this thing moving?"  
  
It was an innocent enough question considering your area of expertise was technology and his, coincidentally, was not. "That's what I'm trying to do, smartass."  
  
"Jeez, I was only wondering."  
  
Another pause.  
  
"Hey, don't you have that glove thing, can't that help?"  
  
"Unfortunately for both of us, my ' _glove thing_ ' was confiscated as soon as I was taken in if you would recall, and I haven't seen it since," Although coming off snappy and defensive, it wasn't meant to be directed at him.  
  
"Oh," he shut up after that.  
  
Another round of you pushing various buttons whilst Bucky inspected the extremely interesting lift doors as he was tapping his metal fingers on the railing came about with a silence to accompany it. You hoped to God that Bucky wasn't looking at you. You knew he probably wasn't, but he'd been almost non-stop staring at you since you joined and you weren't sure if that was going to stop anytime soon. You weren't entirely sure you wanted it to stop either.  
  
"How in the hell does something that Stark produced mess up this badly?" You exasperatedly exclaimed in the direction of the ceiling of the elevator. "Speaking of which, do you have any signal?"  
  
All you got in return was a confused (and rather elderly, bless him) look.  
  
"Right, sorry. Do you have a phone on you?" You felt slightly mean dumbing it down for him but if you didn't you might not get anywhere figuratively, let alone literally.  
  
"Oh no, I don't like it. Left it in my room," he admitted almost shamefully, but you just brushed it off.  
  
"It's alright." You bit your lip.  
  
You then proceeded to sit down, completely defeated. There weren't any noticeable panels on the top of the elevator that you could squeeze through and even if there was you weren't sure Bucky would be able to get through considering the span of his shoulders.  
  
"Hey I think I've got an idea," you heard the super soldier mutter but he didn't look as confident as you thought someone should be when exercising just 'an idea' of getting out of a stagnant lift.  
  
Next thing you knew, you were pressed up against the far edge of the elevator's walls with Bucky bracing himself against the lift doors. Was he- was he actually trying to pry the doors open?  
  
His boots seemed to scuff and squeak as the tension in his shoulders through his arms rose. You could see with every minuscule movement that not only were the muscles in his right arm tensing and almost shaking with the effort, but also the small, discreet shifts in the metal in his left arm. It was almost mesmerising. And even with all this effort, his endeavours seemed to hardly be getting him anywhere. Either Bucky wasn't as strong as he appeared (which you highly doubted, considering the show he was putting on for you right now, with a lovely view of nearly every muscle in his body on display for you), or Tony had purposely reinforced the metal of the elevator. You chose the latter.  
  
The grip Bucky now had on the lift seemed to have progressed now, if only slightly. His fingers seemed to be on the inside area of either door now, with his metal ones making rather prominent indentations on the left one. The screeching of metal on metal, caused by the friction, wasn't at all pleasant but it was evidence of something moving, working finally. His metal arm appeared to be doing most of the work in your eyes as the left door was moving significantly faster than the right one. You covered your ears as the screeching continued, unbearably loudly. He then moved on to the outside doors of the lift which were exponentially easier to open. You wondered if Stark meant his elevators to become steel prisons with little to no escape available to its inhabitants. Probably, knowing him.  
  
Bucky then collapsed to the side of the elevator, now panting and out of breath. He wiped his forehead, now slick with sweat, with his right hand. His metal one seemed to be whirring from exertion and clicking back into place.  
  
"Hey," pant, "Hey do you- do you think you could get through there?" He asked you without looking over to you, eyes still closed and head still held upwards as you continued to sit on the floor.  
  
Looking at the gap between the top of the lift, the floor, and the doors, you gulped. That gap was tiny! There was no physical way you'd be able to fit through there. But then again you seemed to be the only likely candidate between the two of you as your physique paled in comparison to the super soldier next to you.  
  
"Uhm," you nervously stuttered, "I can give it a go? I'm not sure how I'd be able to get up there in the first place though, I'm not really that tall." You hoped that was a good enough excuse to get out of this option, but it didn’t seem like anyone was coming to your rescue anytime soon and this looked like your only way out of the situation at hand.  
  
"Sure you can, here I'll help," He then proceeded to interlink his fingers so as to indicate a leg up for you. In your opinion, he was enjoying this all far too much. It could even be said that there might have been a smirk playing upon his lips briefly.  
  
"Don't look so happy about the idea of me squirming my way out then," you frowned in his direction but proceeded to get his help anyway.  
  
"On the count of three ok?"  
  
"Ok," you sighed heavily in anticipation. Not entirely sure that this idea was even going to work, but it was the best shot you had so you had to go with it.  
  
"One." He started.  
  
"Two." You followed.  
  
"Three!" You both shouted, which was then followed with you essentially being (what you would describe at least) launched towards the small opening in front of you.  
  
"Barnes!" You squawked as you almost hit your head on the top of the lift. You then scrambled to get a hold on the outside area which wasn't as easy as it looked. There wasn't a lot to hold on to!  
  
"Sorry, still trying to get used to the new arm I guess," was that a chuckle you heard? Did Bucky Barnes actually laugh? You didn't realise he was capable of proper human emotion and yet it just made your heart flutter more.  
  
The next thing you knew you felt a strong pair of hands lift you further towards the hole by your torso. The metal on your skin, even through your t-shirt, was everything you thought the sensation would be, but better. To say a blush spread across your cheeks would be an understatement, you were surprised he didn't guess your state of distress just from the manic scrambling that went after his hands left your body.  
  
The following sequence involved you trying (and for the majority of the five minutes it took, failing) to squirm your way out of the hole. The shoulders were the hardest part. Trying to navigate getting both through at the same time was an instant failure (your shoulders were apparently broader than you thought). You then had to contort yourself in such a way that managed to get one arm fully out but your neck suffered because of it.  
  
All throughout this sequence of squirming and scrabbling, you heard faint laughter from behind you from the super soldier, because what you assumed was (for you embarrassing, but for him) extremely entertaining.  
  
"You know I don't appreciate the laughter back there," you jibed back at him which made him laugh even more noticeably than before.  
  
"Sorry," he managed to get out between laughs and what you assumed was him wiping a tear away. You were glad you could be such a source of entertainment for him, the sadistic bastard, letting you suffer like this.  
  
Only when you managed to get your full torso out did you realise that there was a problem, and a serious one at that. You may have just jeopardised the whole prospect of your escape with your abnormally wide hips and bum (which were only that way because of all that junk food you had been eating I would care to remind you).  
  
"Ahem," you tried to get Bucky's attention but it didn't seem to be working, he was laughing too hard.  
  
You then decided to cough a little louder. No response. Fine.  
  
"EXCUSE ME BUCKY," you full on near shouted at him.  
  
"Uh, yeah? What?" He asked you innocently, almost as if he was ignorant of the situation at hand.  
  
You sighed in exasperation, if not at him, then at your entire circumstance, "I'm stuck."  
  
"I can see that!" He then snorted and another bout of laughter overcame him, now accompanied with him hitting the elevator's walls with his arm.  
  
"Well can you help me then?" Not realising what this fully meant until you felt two hands pushing firmly on your bum, you shrieked. "What do you think you're doing?" You started to kick at him, trying to get his hands off of you. Cursing your decision to wear sweatpants, you hoped he couldn't feel too much through the material, but who were you kidding, he could feel everything.  
  
"I thought you wanted my help? Anyway, your legs aren't going out first so I thought this was the next best option." Bucky sounded completely serious and not as worried about the situation as you were. In fact, he was more preoccupied with dodging your feet and kicks rather than anything else.  
  
"Just get on with it then!" You were already embarrassed enough as it was, let alone him being completely fine with the matter at hand. The blush you had already developed, increased exponentially, as it seemed his hands weren't going anywhere, but rather trying to push you through (rather forcefully and firmly, might I add) the hole.  
  
"Hey, could you help me out a bit by wiggling maybe?" He asked when the pure force of his pushing wasn't working.  
  
"What do you think I've been doing? Just push harder!" God, if there were anyone else in the compound at this moment, you would either permanently scar them or yourself with embarrassment. The way this all sounded!  
  
"Fine, just wait a second."  
  
"Hey, hey! What are you doing?" Your panicked voice didn't stop him any as he then progressed to lifting your legs up and resting them on his shoulders. This certainly was not how you imagined the first time Bucky being between your legs would go, but here we are.  
  
"There, that should make it easier," he said nonchalantly as if this were an everyday occurrence; you being stuck halfway out of a broken down elevator and him having his head between your thighs.  
  
Finally, about two minutes later, you managed to make your way out of the hell hole (literally). You turned to face Bucky and told him to wait there whilst you went and got your tool-kit.  
  
"Well, it's not like I can really go anywhere else, is it?" Snarky asshole.  
  
The rest of the process was relatively easy. You managed to return comparatively quickly and got to work on the broken controls of the elevator immediately.  
  
"You know, it would be great if Stark didn’t make every goddamn thing in this place so hard to fix and even navigate," you meant the comment for yourself but your companion chuckled nonetheless.  
  
"Didn't realise you held such resentment."  
  
"Yeah, well, that tends to happen when you’re trying to get someone out of an elevator but Stark has put some _goddam security questions_ of all things on here."  
  
"You could just call him." He suggested.  
  
"No way, and hear his smug expression on me being stuck on something so easy? _Please_ ," It had only been a month since you'd first met Stark but he was determined to make everything between you two a competition and you for sure weren't going to lose this round.  
  
"I guess it is your call but I'd like to get out of here sometime soon," again with the snarky comments, where were those for the first month of knowing each other?  
  
"Just shut up and let me work." Silence followed.  
  
It seemed only a minute later that the lift started to work again. You were especially proud of yourself for that feat. Not only did you best Tony Stark and his infuriating technology, but you also managed (in your book at least) to redeem yourself and your skills to Bucky after that unfortunate and embarrassing series of events.  
  
"Thought I was going to die in there," he chuckled as he stepped out of the, now broken, lift doors.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Well, blame it on Stark." You paused and basked in the glow of your handiwork," Looks like I'm never going back in a lift after that though, ugh."  
  
Another laugh brought your attention the super soldier standing beside you who seemed to actually be smiling next to you for once. Smiling! Imagine.  
  
"I can't wait for his reaction to seeing what we've done to _his poor baby_ ," he mused.  
  
"Me neither."


	4. Admit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unspoken words make things a little awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dying.
> 
> So sorry this chapter took so many months to come out. I decided stupidly to start writing this during my exam season and so then I got overwhelmed and this suffered bc of it. Also, I ended up doing NaNoWriMo, so that ended up taking my creative energy for a while.
> 
> Regardless, I really hope you enjoy this. Thank you.

Jealousy was an emotion that consumed people. It was often for little to no reason, but Bucky certainly had a reason this time, he just wasn't sure what reason that was.

The team was back from the mission, and after Tony had had a near full-on meltdown about the whole situation (ensued by lots of shouting a blaming of certain individuals involved in the incident), they had all settled back in nicely. Bucky wasn't even really sure why Tony was so upset about the whole lift being broken, it wasn't like it was the only one in the whole facility, and there were things called stairs after all. Lazy ass.

Currently though, he was observing you. It seemed to be an occupation that took up most of his time these days but he wasn't annoyed by it. Ever since you two had gotten stuck in the lift together, a slight fluttering started in his chest whenever he looked at you and for a short while it would be a bit difficult to breathe. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't want it to stop. He just felt so happy.

However, that feeling that had become so familiar over the past two weeks was nowhere to be seen. Instead, his chest was feeling tight for a different reason. As he looked over to you, he could see you training on hand to hand combat with Steve. He didn't know why, but something about the whole situation irked him. It could have been the close proximity you two were at, or all the damn touching that was going on, or just the fact that he was making you smile so much. It could have been any one of those reasons, but with all of it combined, it just produced a death glare on his face.

"Hey there big boy, what's you got all worked up?" Bucky heard Natasha sit down next to him on the bench. She was dressed as casually as the rest of them, sweatpants and a simple white tank top, except perhaps a little sweatier than the super soldier next to her. She followed his line of sight to find it landing simply on the two currently wrestling on the floor, you and Steve. "Ah I see."

Bucky didn't respond, only looked over to Natasha's smirking expression that only irritated him further.

"Look I get it, jealousy is shit. Wanna blow off some steam?" She stood up and held her hand out to him. He took it gladly, wanting to get his mind off of the situation in front of him. You and Steve may as well have been having sex right on the mat his mood was so gloomy.

As he started to spar with Natasha, his soldiers training started to kick in. The adrenaline sparked his instincts and soon enough his mind was wandering. You however, after going for a break for a drink, noticed the compromising position Bucky had Natasha in after only what seemed like a minute and so it was your turn to have the tight feeling in your chest return. You'd felt it before, whenever Bucky would be working with one of the others. It wouldn't matter who, Natasha, Bruce, hell, even Tony sometimes.

You knew that what you were feeling was jealousy, unlike Bucky, who seemed in complete denial over the whole thing. You'd felt it before, many times. Mostly when your straight friends would just find it so easy and safe to fall in love when you were left behind as the 'gay friend' who's only hope of ever finding someone was either online dating or a sheer miracle.

So now, when you were finally getting close to someone, you were trying to desperately push the feelings you could feel bubbling up every time you even glanced at the super soldier down. It was difficult, but you were getting there. I mean, who were you kidding, a smoking hot Brooklyn kid straight of the 1940's looking like a model at every angle being gay? Not likely.

"Hey," Steve's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, as you glanced over to see him packing up his stuff, "we're done for today so if you wanna pack up or whatever." He scratched his neck awkwardly, as if something was on his mind.

"Everything alright, Steve?" You asked, a little concerned.

He bit his lip, contemplating before finally deciding to come out with it, "You know, I've seen the way he looks at you."

"What? Who?" You tried to act surprised, but your heart couldn't help but swell with hope.

"Bucky," Steve smirked a little, "And I've seen the way you look at him."

You didn't respond to that immediately, shock riddling through your expression and you certainly felt your face heat up at the mention of it. "I don't know what you're talking about," you blurted out.

"Sure," that smirk didn't seem to be leaving his face anytime soon," Look, you should ask him out. I'm sure he'd say yes." He didn't wait for a response this time, knowing that continuing the conversation would be next to pointless, and so picked up his stuff and walked out of the gym, leaving you flustered and alone with Natasha and Bucky still sparring.

"Hey, (y/n), you ok?" Natasha called out from where she was stood.

"Y-yeah I'm fine," you tried to plaster a quick smile on your face, also making sure to avoid eye contact with Bucky in the process, "See you guys later!"

As you left the gym your thoughts wouldn't stop racing. What if Bucky was looking at you like that? What if he was gay? What if he found out you were gay and he wasn't? What if he didn't like you in the slightest once he found out about your sexuality? What then? Or, god forbit, he actually liked you like Steve suggested?

Bucky's eyes followed you yet again, as the double doors swung behind you after your exit.

"Is he ok?" He asked Natasha standing beside him.

"By the looks of it, no," she chuckled a bit. It was so blatantly obvious the tension that was fizzling between you two, and yet the people it was happening to couldn't see what was going on at all.

"What are you laughing at?" Bucky's eyebrows scrunched together.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. You wouldn't get it anyway," Natasha brushed off, wanting the romance between you to play out naturally. Not interfering would be easier for her in the long run too anyway.

Meanwhile, after you had calmed yourself down a bit, made a list of pros and cons, and thought about the whole situation for what seemed like days, you had come to a decision. You had to tell Bucky about your sexuality. At least then it would be out in the open, and then you could at least get on with your life without feeling you were hiding a key part of yourself from someone you were starting to care about deeply.

Avoiding him during the next couple of days as you were plucking up the courage to tell him was hard enough as it was. But to think you were considering hiding this part of yourself from him forever? Impossible. It was difficult to avoid him though, the most you could do was be in the same room as him without blurting out what you felt compelled to say. Plus, that gaze, it was always on you again. You could almost feel his eyes boring into your back, watching your every movement as you rushed away from his very presence.

"Hey, (y/n)?" You heard Steve's voice call out to you as you scampered out of the kitchen with your breakfast before anyone could confront you.

"Yes?" You tried to act calm but you were internally screaming as you turned to face him, a smile plastered on your face.

"Why are you avoiding Bucky?"

"I was- I was avoiding him?" You spluttered in disbelief as this was the first you had heard of such a thing. Steven only smiled knowingly in response and you cracked, "Ok, fine. I'm trying to work out how to tell him about....about, well. About how I'm gay." You admitted defeated.

"You're what?" You heard a voice all too familiar call out from behind Steve. You cringed, closing your eyes, praying any God that was out there to be merciful. However, as you opened your eyes, you could see that Steve had stepped to the side to reveal Bucky in the doorway to the kitchen, door closed behind him, and a confused expression written all over his face.

You gulped, time to face the music, "I'm gay."

Bucky just stood there. Just stood, expression now unreadable, almost as if he were a statue. At some point during what was starting to feel like a staring contest Steve must have left the two of you alone because he was no longer there when you glanced over to the spot where he stood.

"Please say something," you begged, worried of rejection from yet another person you cared about. It was bad enough for your grandparents to come to terms with it, so you couldn't imagine someone so old fashioned coming to terms with it so easily. However, Steve seemed pretty open to it all, but then again, he had had more time to adjust the modern world than his compatriot.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, after his brow eased out of a frown it appeared to have been stuck in. Before he had the chance to say something though, the alarm sounded throughout the compound, signalling that a mission was about to go underway.

All of the other members of the team in the compound bombarded the corridor you two were paused in, passing by dragging Bucky along and leaving you behind. You guessed this meant that it would be just you alone in the compound for however long they would be away for. God this meant torture. Bucky not being able to respond and you having to deal with that for an indefinite amount of time? Absolute hell.

It was around a month before the team returned. In that time, the not knowing of Bucky's thoughts became easier to bear. In that time a lot seemed to change. You started getting into a routine of working. In the morning you would get up have breakfast, train for around three hours with whoever was available (Scott was visiting the compound at one point and he had vowed ever since to check if it was just you there before visiting again, he didn't want to get beaten up so bad again). Then you would have lunch, and have some downtime, before going to the lab and tinkering about for hours on end before you were so tired you just had to go to sleep.

It wasn't the healthiest of routines but it was mostly to get your mind off of the predicament that was Bucky not being able to tell you what he thought. It wouldn't have been such a big deal if you hadn't developed such a big crush on the guy in the time that you'd known him. Usually when you came out to people, you didn't care about their response to it because it wouldn't affect you. But this, this did affect you. So, the routine that you'd gotten into managed to take your mind off of it almost altogether, which was a slight relief.

Nothing seemed to help at night though, when you would lie awake, with nothing to take your mind off of it all. Bucky's face would flash up in your mind, with that goofy smile of his shining back at you in your mind's eye. You wished more than once that the mission would be over soon so you'd be able to just know what he was going to say, but also you dreaded the day he would return because it would mean you could get rejected. I mean, it wasn't as if you had asked him out, but still, if he rejected you, it would sting nonetheless.

So, the distraction of work, and working to the brink of exhaustion seemed to help some, if only a little. By the time Bucky returned to the compound you were almost unrecognisable. You had lost the extra weight you had carried just a month before, and your hair had been cut, only a bit shorter but the difference was notable to him. 

He had had an image of you in his mind ever since he had left for the mission. Admittedly, camping out in the Serbian wintry tundras for a month wasn't fun but you had a job to do. The main thing that kept him going the most though, was the thought of you. He could pin point the exact moment that your heart fell, knowing you wouldn't know what he thought of you. It was difficult to pinpoint his own feelings though. He didn't think of you any less than before, but his idea of you in his head had changed somewhat from before. It was just another label to him, nothing disgusting or sinful. Maybe one time in his life he would have thought that, but since then his mind had changed, and he himself had grown.

You didn't know that though, and so he had rehearsed a speech, even had it written down, for when he returned. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to not know what one of the people you had become close to over the passing months thought of you anymore, for such a long time too. It was a speech of acceptance, and appreciation for you. If anyone had read it out of context they might have assumed it to be a confession of his own feelings in a way.

Over the month, Bucky had also struggled with his own feelings. He had known there was something there, and he had no problem with you being gay. But the internalised homophobia he had gained for himself over the years of denial weren't easy to wipe away just like that. Every time he would picture your face though, he would feel his heart flutter just a little, and the sickening feeling of butterflies just wouldn't go away. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and Bucky couldn't help but agree.

So, when he returned and found you so different it was a little bit of a shock. Not a bad one though, I mean, he wouldn't deny that you looked good. You looked before too, but these small changes just made his heart flutter. The tension that sparked between you two as he walked off of the plane that had just landed in the compound's garage was palpable. As the other members dispersed to debrief from the success of the mission, it was just you two left alone to deal with the unspoken words between you. Before you could say anything though, Bucky stormed over to you and stopped just in front of you. Looking down at you a little he suddenly thrust a crumpled, folded a little too many times, piece of paper into your hands. As he stormed off in an equal fashion to how you approached, you watched him leave, a little in shock from the greeting.


End file.
